Karen's
head was still in a whirl the next morning as she faced the busy
shift ahead. Each step down the long corridor to the ward allowed
her to swallow down her worries one by one, until she was caught up
in the busy morning. Work gave her no time to dwell on her own
troubles. Being swept along with it all was what Karen needed.
She
was in the steam-filled bathroom, the single light-bulb struggling to
illuminate the room. Florrie Price, plump and middle-aged, dressed
in a grey crimplene dress printed with flowers the colour of washed
out strawberries, moved from one foot to the other on the spot. Her
face was contorted into constant changing shapes as her toothless
mouth writhed involuntarily. Her hair was permed into curls which
shrivelled even tighter in the steamy atmosphere.
'Come
on, I've run the bath, Florrie.' Karen's attempts at being assertive
were somewhat undermined by her lack of confidence. 'Get undressed,
please.'
Florrie,
still shifting her weight from one foot to another, clung tightly to
her voluminous knitting bag.
'Don't
want to get it wet,' she muttered.
'Just
put in on the chair. It won't get wet.'
'It's
mine. You're not having it.' Florrie glared at Karen.
'I
don't want it Florrie,' Karen said. 'Just put it there while you
have your bath. Come on, we won't be more than ten minutes. Your
hair really needs a wash.'
Before
the stand-off could go any further, the door swung open.
'Come
on Florrie, get 'em off!' Marion entered the steamy room with Effie
and stood, arms folded, watching the scene before her. She laughed
as Florrie scurried to undress.
'See,
you have to let 'em know you're in charge.' She sneered at Karen.
'You want to know something?'
'What?'
Karen didn't want to know.
'Get
in that bath!' Marion shouted at Florrie, then turned back to Karen.
'You won't last five minutes in this job.'
Karen
turned back to Florrie who'd climbed in the bath and was sitting with
her knees up to her belly, the water lapping over it's vastness.
Karen had barely began to soap the flannel before Marion had Effie in
the other bath, pouring water over her protesting head.
Karen
lifted Florrie's heavy breasts and was washing carefully underneath
them when Mike's head appeared at the door.
'What's
all the screaming about?' he asked. 'You two alright in here?'
'Course
we're alright, aren't we Karen?' laughed Marion. 'Just getting the
job done.'
'Yes,
we're O.K.,' Karen agreed, wondering whether to try and cover Florrie
with a towel, but Mike had already gone.
Marion
soon had Effie out of the bath, dried her roughly with one of the
small worn towels from the pile on the shelf, and was barking orders
at her to get dressed. Karen tried to ignore her and turned back to
Florrie.
'Just
put this flannel over your eyes while I pour the water over your
hair.' She scooped the water with the jug, looked up and noticed
that Marion was riffling through Florrie's bag.
'What
are you doing?' She was aghast.
Marion
laughed and pulled out a battered packet of biscuits, a dirty
hairbrush, a plastic compact, a set of false teeth, and a worn and
faded Christmas card which was stuffed in the bottom of the bag.
'Just
look at all her treasures!' She sneered. 'What a load of old junk!
This is disgusting!'
'Stop
it,' Karen was horrified. 'Those are Florrie's.' She slammed the
jug of warm water down on the shelf beside the window.
Florrie
was struggling to get out of the bath. 'Leave my bag alone, you
fuckin' whore,' she shouted. 'I'll fuckin' kill you!'
'Just
listen to her,' Marion laughed. 'Watch your language, Florrie.'
'It's
alright, Florrie,' Karen tried to calm her. 'She's put it back now.'
'Don't
suck up to her,' Marion turned on Karen. 'You have to show who's
boss around here.'
Ignoring
her words, Karen grabbed Florrie's bag.
'It's
O.K. I'll put your bag over here by the window,' she reassured
Florrie. 'Just let me rinse your hair and you can get out.'
But
Florrie was already on her way out of the bath, a tidal wave of water
sloshing over the edges and onto the floor.
'Pull
the plug out, you stupid...' Marion reached into the bath and
wrenched at the plug.
Karen
wrestled with Florrie's slippery body, trying to avoid her crashing
onto the wet floor, not quite knowing where to hold on to. She
eventually managed to help her on to a chair where she sat naked but
for a small towel draped across one shoulder, her bag clutched to her
breasts as she inspected the contents furtively.
'Don't
know what you're making such a fuss about,' Marion said. 'They don't
know what's going on half the time. Nothing up there.' She tapped
her head.
Karen
glared at her, ashamed of herself for saying nothing, unsure of what
she could or should say.
'Come
on Florrie, let's get you dried.' She squeezed Florrie's shoulder
and rubbed her back with the towel.
Helping
Florrie pull on her voluminous bloomers, Karen then coaxed her to put
on her vest and dress, her own eyes welling with tears. She could
feel Marion glaring at the back of her head as she fought back her
feelings of frustration, until she heard the door slam again as
Marion ushered Effie out.
'I'm
so sorry.' Karen was brushing Florrie's hair. She leaned to look at
the woman's face. 'Are you alright?'
'It's
my bag,' Florrie said. 'My private property.’
'I
know. Is everything O.K.?'
Florrie
was rummaging into the depths of her bag. She drew out the crumpled,
now slightly damp Christmas card, smoothed it carefully on her lap,
and was tracing her finger over the words embossed on the front. A
robin perched upon a gate in front of a snow covered cottage, the
soft glow of firelight behind the windows shining through the open
red curtains - a scene typical of any old Christmas card, but
obviously meaning more to Florrie.
Karen
glanced at the words that Florrie's yellow-stained fingers lovingly
stroked. “Happy Christmas Mum.” The words spoke silently to
Karen. Was it possible that this woman was someone's mother? Had
she once been desired and had she kissed and cuddled and made love,
and laughed at the thought that she would soon have a child, a baby
of her own? That someone had once held her hand and promised her the
world?
The
sound of scraping chairs on the floor of the canteen, the cutlery on
Pyrex plates and the clatter of dirty dishes thrown together on the
trolley by the door all jangled against Karen's nerves. Linda sat
in the chair opposite her, leaning towards Andy, whose long hair was
hanging loose about his face. Karen was still reeling from the
thought of Florrie and her Christmas card, and what had happened to
her lost family.
'Oi.
Karen!' Linda's voice penetrated Karen's daydreaming. 'Wake up!'
'Oh,
sorry.' Karen smiled at the two faces looking at her expectantly.
'We
were just saying,' Linda said. 'There's a party in the hostel
tonight. You gotta come, it's John's birthday.'
'I
don’t know,' Karen said.
'Telephone
your husband and get him to come as well,' Linda suggested. 'You'll
get to know some nice people.'
'I
don't think Peter would want to come,' Karen hesitated.
'Well
come without him, then,' Linda insisted. 'You can come to my room
and change. I've got loads of clothes that'll fit you. Go on, phone
him and tell him that you're having a night out with me.'
Karen
was unsure. What would Peter say if she went to a party without him?
Then she thought about the fight they'd had the day before.
Suddenly she made up her mind.
'Where's
the telephone?' She stood up, rummaging in her bag for her purse.
'There's
one in the main entrance hall.' Linda's face lit up. 'You coming
then?'
'I'll
have to phone Peter first.' Karen was moving towards the door.
'Maybe.'
'I'll
come with you.' Linda was on her feet. 'See you back at the ward,
Andy.'
As
they walked down the long corridor to the entrance hall, Karen tried
to look more confident than she felt. Nearing the telephone booth,
she was beginning to wish that Linda had gone back to the ward with
Andy. It would have been easy to say she'd phoned Peter and then
make up some story about having to go somewhere else. But a greater
part of her argued that she should have some fun in her life. Peter
could come to the party if he wanted. She picked up the phone and
dialled. Her heart leaped into her throat as his voice forced her to
press the button and release the coins.
'Hello
Peter. It's Karen.' The phone was slippery in her grip. She
noticed that her hands were sweating.
'What
is it?' He sounded annoyed. 'Everything alright?'
'I
just phoned to ask you if you'd like to come to a party this
evening,' she gabbled. 'It's in the nurses home.'
There
was a slight pause before he answered.
'In
the nurse's home?' he asked. 'I suppose it'll be a load of nurses?'
'Well,
yes,' Karen said. 'It's a birthday party. One of my friends. It's
his birthday.'
'What
do you mean, his?' Peter hissed. 'I thought you said it was a
nurse?'
'He's
a male nurse. I work with him,' Karen explained. 'Linda will be
there. I've talked about her before.'
'Who's
this male nurse?'
'His
name's John. We work together on the ward.'
'How
many male nurses are there then?' he pursued. 'I thought you said
it was a women's ward.'
'Yes,
it is,' Karen sighed. 'But there are some male staff. I told you
about the Charge Nurse, and then there are two students who are
men...'
'Look,
I've got to go,' he interrupted. 'I can't talk now.'
'Will
you come to this party then?' Karen asked.
'I
don't think it's really us, is it?' Peter replied.
Karen
swallowed. 'I want to go,' she said. 'Linda's going, and I would
like to go.'
'Well,
I'm not keen.'
'Please...'
Karen begged.
'No
Karen.' His voiced was raised now. 'It's not going to happen.'
Karen
took a deep breath.
'Sorry
Peter,' she said. 'But I really want to go and if you don't want to
then I think I'll go anyway. Just for a couple of hours. Is that
alright?' She wondered where her courage had come from.
'Please
yourself,' Peter snapped.
The
disconnected line buzzed into Karen's ear. She stood for a moment,
looking at the phone.
'Now
what have I done?' Immediately regretting her decision, she knew
that she'd have to follow it through now, with Linda standing next to
her.
'Oh
dear,' Linda grimaced. 'Everything alright?'
'Not
really,' Karen said. 'But I'm coming to the party.'
'Great!'
laughed Linda. 'We'll find you something to wear after the shift.'
'Thanks
Linda,' Karen wavered.
'Come
on, we'll be late back.' Linda linked her harm in Karen's as they
marched back down the corridor once more.
Karen's
spirits lifted a notch.
Evelyn
sat alone in her room. That new young girl was on duty. She'd heard
her calling to that other nurse, Linda.
'I'll
stay here, out of the way,' she muttered to herself. 'She won't be
here all day.'
The
sky outside her window was blue, the clouds tinged with grey. Much
better to focus on the sky than listen to the sounds in the corridor.
She began to sing. It helped keep out the noise.
A
haunting tune floated into the corridor which pierced Karen's heart
as she approached the room. 'In Dublin's fair city, where the girl's
are so pretty...'. She stopped short of the doorway and listened. A
lump formed in her throat as the sound reached deep into a fleeting
ghost of a memory which seemed to slip away before it was fully
formed. She gently opened the door.
'Evelyn,
can you come down for your tablets?'
The
singing stopped.
'That
was a lovely song.’
Evelyn
said nothing.
‘Are
you coming?’ Karen sat on the edge of the bed and reached to touch
Evelyn’s hand.
Without
further warning the older woman swung round and screamed at Karen,
forcing her to jump up from the bed.
'It's
alright, Evelyn.' Karen tried to stay calm. 'Please.'
But
Evelyn kept screaming. Karen was shaking as she backed out of the
room.
Linda,
Mike and John were already near the door. Karen spun around and
collided into John in her panic.
'What
the hell is up with her?' Linda was yelling.
'Are
you alright?' John asked. Karen nodded, unable to speak.
Mike
pushed past Linda into the room and began speaking in soothing tones.
The screaming stopped and Evelyn subsided into a low sobbing.
'Come
on. You need a cup of tea.' John led Karen towards the office.
Evelyn
listened to their footsteps moving away from the door and curled up
on her bed, ignoring Mike's voice, droning formlessly.
Eventually
he left her but was soon back.
'Take
these,' he offered. 'You'll soon feel better.’
She
needed no coaxing to tip the medicine cup into her mouth, not caring
what was in it. He offered her a glass of water. She took the glass
from him and gulped down the contents, feeling the tablets slip down
her throat.
Sleep
didn't come easily, but she drifted into a dreamlike state, where she
saw herself sitting in a small garden amongst cabbages, carrots and
redcurrant bushes - a washing line draped with white sheets and
voluminous shirts flapping in the breeze, intermittently blocking the
sunlight easing the glare of the clean linen from her eyes. Her
mother was at the door of the tiny terraced house, calling her in for
dinner. She stood holding her belly, her weight uncomfortable as she
walked down the path back to the house.
Fear
lurched her suddenly awake.
She
was in the room again, curled on her bed, safe.
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