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Just to whet your appetites before you come along to see me, here is the next chapter of CAUGHT IN THE WEB.
Chapter
Twenty
Karen
leaned against the examination couch in the clinic room, watching
Mike unload the pharmacy box and put away new bottles of medication
into the metal cupboard.
'What's
the matter?' The bottles rattled together on the metal shelf. Mike
turned to face Karen.
Karen
took a breath. 'ECT,' she began, then paused.
'Shocking?'
Mike laughed. 'You get used to it.'
The
tap over the wash basin was dripping. Karen jumped from the couch
and turned off the tap. The dripping persisted.
'I'll
never get used to seeing people being put through that,' she said.
'It's barbaric. This tap drips,' she turned to Mike accusingly.
'If
it works you have to try it,' Mike gripped the tap and turned it
forcefully. It groaned in protest until the dripping stopped.
'Like
putting people in canvas topped baths?' Karen snorted. 'Water
therapy. Supposed to relax them.'
'Well,
it sounds awful - but it worked for some. Here pass me those
bottles.'
'They
were probably terrified, locked in a bath for hours, struggling to
get out.' Karen passed two of the large bottles of brown liquid to
Mike. He took them from her and laughed again.
'Worse
than these?' he asked. 'It was just another way of calming down the
madness.'
'I
suppose,' Karen passed him the remaining bottles from the crate,
reading the names on the labels: Largactil, Mellerill, Diazepam,
Sodium Amytal.
'Yes,
these are all sedatives of one kind or other,' Mike said. 'I know we
have anti-depressants now, but sometimes even they don’t work. ECT
can help when nothing else has.'
'But
Millie and Annie seem worse since this morning,' Karen argued.
'They'll
be alright later, you'll see,' he said. 'Just watch and wait. In
another couple of weeks, after about six treatments, they'll be much
better.'
'Six
treatments!' Karen couldn't imagine having to go through that all
again.
'It
works.' Mike locked the cupboard, now fully replenished.
'It
doesn't feel right,' Karen said.
'Not
everyone agrees with it, that's true,' Mike said. 'But it's one of
the main treatments for severe depression, and it's not going to go
away.' He smiled. 'You'll have to get used to it if you want to
make a career of this.' He opened the clinic door and ushered her
out, locking it behind them.
Karen
sighed. She passed the rest of the shift feeling troubled by the
thought of her part in taking the patients to the treatment room, and
holding them down whilst they were electrocuted. It didn't rest well
in her heart.
'You
coming to the Social Club?' Linda asked as they gathered their bags
to leave the ward a short while later. 'You look like you could do
with a drink.'
'Not
today,' Karen replied. 'I just need to be on my own for a while, to
think things through. It's been a weird morning.'
'Just
come for one,' Linda insisted.
'No.
Really. I'm going straight home to have a long soak in the bath.'
She remembered the patients in the canvas baths and shuddered. 'I
promised Peter we'd have a nice meal together. I think it's time I
made some decisions about building bridges with my husband before
it's too late.’
'Well,
good luck to you then,' said Linda. 'If you're sure that's what you
want. What about John.'
'I'm
not sure.' They walked to the ward door and let themselves out into
the stair well. 'I'm confused - I don't know what I want really.'
They reached the bottom of the stairs and made their way towards the
entrance of the hospital. 'I only know that I feel really guilty
about what happened between John and me. I owe it to Peter to try
and make our marriage work.'
'You're
probably making the right decision,' said Linda. 'But I'm not
convinced you really know what you want yet.' They reached the end
of the corridor and walked into the courtyard.
'That's
why I need some time on my own.' Karen felt the sun on her face.
'Will
he be there when you get home? It's Saturday, remember.'
'He
goes shopping on Saturdays, so I doubt that he'll be in,' Karen
laughed. 'Don't worry, I haven't lost my memory. I do know what day
it is.'
'See
you on Monday then.' Linda turned towards the nurses’ home.
Karen
watched her retreating back until she'd turned the corner.
The
bath water was soothing.
Karen
tried to relax into the bubbles foaming around her shoulders, but her
mind was in a mess. Whenever she thought about John, a mixture of
emotions flooded over her. It was like a wave of sunlight after a
long dull winter, welcoming and warm but edged with guilt and
uneasiness as the black clouds of reality scudded across her sunny
sky.
Peter
had been her saviour when she was lonely and confused as a teenager.
He'd taken care of her at first but when she thought of him lately
her feelings were of rising resentment and frustration. He couldn't
seem to understand her need to make a life of her own. It wasn't
that she didn't love him any more. She just needed the same space
that he demanded as his right.
What
had once been exciting was now demeaning. His constant need for her
to perform in bed whenever he wanted her only made her feel used. At
first she'd believed that this was how relationships worked, that it
was the woman's place to please her husband. But she was beginning
to understand that it didn't have to be like that. Complete
submission felt unnatural as she began to question herself, wondering
if there was more to life than this.
She'd
been afraid to make Peter angry and as she’d swallowed down the
chance to voice her feelings time and again, the tightness in her
throat grew into something more tangible.
The
front door banged. She jumped.
'Karen,
are you in?' Peter was calling up the stairs.
'I'm
in the bath.' She felt herself tense as she heard his feet on the
stairs and then Peter was standing in the doorway, smiling at her.
'Hello
darling,' he said. 'How was your day?'
'Fine.
Are you alright?'
'Of
course I am,' he sat on the edge of the bath, patting the bubbles at
her face. She tried not to flinch.
'I'm
sorry about this morning,' he said. 'I didn't mean to worry you,
staying out so late.' He paused. 'But, you know, Karen, I've been
worrying about you too. I've had a lot on my mind lately.'
'You
don't have to worry about me. I'm absolutely alright. I just think
we need to spend a bit of time together relaxing, that's all.' She
looked up at him.
'I
was thinking exactly the same.' Peter stood up. 'So, I've booked us
a table at that Chinese Restaurant in the precinct for tonight. We
can have a nice quiet meal together, just the two of us. O.K.?'
'Oh,
alright,' Karen hesitated.
'What's
the matter with that?' Peter bristled.
'Nothing.
It'll be lovely.'
'I
can tell when you're lying,' Peter insisted. 'There's something
wrong.'
'It's
just that I bought some steak and was going to cook us a meal
tonight, that's all. Chinese will be great though.'
'We
can have the steak tomorrow,' Peter said. 'We need to be there by
seven, so we'll leave here early, say six. We can have a drink
somewhere on the way.'
Karen's
feelings were mixed as she got out of the bath and dried herself.
She felt an excitement that maybe things were going to be better, but
there was still a faint niggle that this new mood was false somehow.
She shook it away, telling herself that she was imagining things.
'You've
been with too many mad people,' she told herself. 'Peter's alright.
He's just been through a difficult time.'
'I
just need to try harder,' she told herself.
If you are curious about how the story ends, please buy a copy. It's available from Amazon, both in Kindle and paperback form; Completelynovel.com.; Waterstones Commercial Road, Portsmouth, The Hayling Island Bookshop; The Bookshop, Lee-on-Solent; Southwick Village Stores; The Red Lion in Southwick; Cafe Flo in Castle Road Southsea. Also available from all good bookstores who can order in a copy.
I Forgot to mention, Caught in the Web is also available in Artys Pizza Bar at Knowle Village. The place where it all started!
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