Book Marketing is Hot News

Things are starting to hot up in the book marketing business!  I've just heard that I have been offered a book signing in The Book Shop at Lee-on-Solent on the 13th October between 11.00 am and 1.00pm.  This is a lovely independent book store which is run by a wonderful guy called Rick who is enthusiastic about his work and loves to help promote local authors.  So thank you Rick for taking a chance on me.  I promise to work hard at getting loads of people to drop in - and to buy copies of my novel - Caught in the Web.

I still keep getting reviews from those who have read the book, my latest one is posted here:

I finished reading "Caught In The Web" last night by Christine Lawrence and have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it and recommend others to read it. It was cool as I could work out where the different settings in the book are, and so could see them in my mind as I read. It brought back some interesting memories for me too, and a couple of those memories were a little disturbing to me! All in all a great story and very well written. Thank you Christine and I look forward to your next book :-)  Roy.

Thanks Roy, for the great review.  Roy worked in Knowle about the same time that I did, many years ago now.

Last Saturday found me in the Guildhall in Portsmouth, attending a ReAuthoring Workshop.  Now, that was an experience that I really enjoyed.  Anyone curious about what it means should try it out for themselves as it is difficult to put a framework around what the day was about - apart from saying that the outcome was that it gave me confidence in presenting my novel in a unique and exciting way.  This workshop was to prepare us authors for the forthcoming BookFest in Portsmouth.  My slot for this is on the 20th October at 12.20 in the library in Palmerston Road, Southsea - so something else to look forward to.  And I met up with a great bunch of authors too!

Before all of this though, there is my book signing on Wednesday next week in Earl's Coffee Shop in Titchfield.  Run by the enthusiastic and lovely Angie, it's more of an art and gift shop really, but Angie serves good coffee and a small range of cakes too.  You can sit and enjoy a quiet coffee or a good old gossip with Angie in lovely surroundings.  If you come along on Wednesday, I shall be sitting at one of the tables with a small stack of books, hoping to have the chance to chat about my work and signing copies of the novel.  And as Caught in the Web is set in Knowle hospital, just up the road from Titchfield village, I am sure many locals will be interested.  I do hope to see some of you there.

Other news is that I have been asked to appear as a guest on Radio Express FM show Around and About with Terry Powell.  This will be on the air in October, date to be confirmed.  So another good chance to promote the novel.

Caught in the Web Book Signing at Earl's Cafe and Chapter 20

I am getting excited about my next book signing which is in a little cafe in Titchfield - Earl's Cafe, just in the middle of the square.  It's a lovely venue and I'm hoping that lots of people will drop in and see me.  Earl's cafe do lovely coffee and scrumptious cakes.  They also sell a lot of local art - well, that's the main purpose of the business really - the coffee and cakes are the icing on the ......

The signing is on 26th September at 10.00am to 12.00 noon.  Please support me if you can, and pass the word to others.

Just to whet your appetites before you come along to see me, here is the next chapter of CAUGHT IN THE WEB.

Chapter Twenty

Karen leaned against the examination couch in the clinic room, watching Mike unload the pharmacy box and put away new bottles of medication into the metal cupboard.

'What's the matter?' The bottles rattled together on the metal shelf. Mike turned to face Karen.

Karen took a breath. 'ECT,' she began, then paused.

'Shocking?' Mike laughed. 'You get used to it.'

The tap over the wash basin was dripping. Karen jumped from the couch and turned off the tap. The dripping persisted.

'I'll never get used to seeing people being put through that,' she said. 'It's barbaric. This tap drips,' she turned to Mike accusingly.

'If it works you have to try it,' Mike gripped the tap and turned it forcefully. It groaned in protest until the dripping stopped.

'Like putting people in canvas topped baths?' Karen snorted. 'Water therapy. Supposed to relax them.'

'Well, it sounds awful - but it worked for some. Here pass me those bottles.'

'They were probably terrified, locked in a bath for hours, struggling to get out.' Karen passed two of the large bottles of brown liquid to Mike. He took them from her and laughed again.

'Worse than these?' he asked. 'It was just another way of calming down the madness.'

'I suppose,' Karen passed him the remaining bottles from the crate, reading the names on the labels: Largactil, Mellerill, Diazepam, Sodium Amytal.

'Yes, these are all sedatives of one kind or other,' Mike said. 'I know we have anti-depressants now, but sometimes even they don’t work. ECT can help when nothing else has.'

'But Millie and Annie seem worse since this morning,' Karen argued.

'They'll be alright later, you'll see,' he said. 'Just watch and wait. In another couple of weeks, after about six treatments, they'll be much better.'

'Six treatments!' Karen couldn't imagine having to go through that all again.

'It works.' Mike locked the cupboard, now fully replenished.

'It doesn't feel right,' Karen said.

'Not everyone agrees with it, that's true,' Mike said. 'But it's one of the main treatments for severe depression, and it's not going to go away.' He smiled. 'You'll have to get used to it if you want to make a career of this.' He opened the clinic door and ushered her out, locking it behind them.

Karen sighed. She passed the rest of the shift feeling troubled by the thought of her part in taking the patients to the treatment room, and holding them down whilst they were electrocuted. It didn't rest well in her heart.

'You coming to the Social Club?' Linda asked as they gathered their bags to leave the ward a short while later. 'You look like you could do with a drink.'

'Not today,' Karen replied. 'I just need to be on my own for a while, to think things through. It's been a weird morning.'

'Just come for one,' Linda insisted.

'No. Really. I'm going straight home to have a long soak in the bath.' She remembered the patients in the canvas baths and shuddered. 'I promised Peter we'd have a nice meal together. I think it's time I made some decisions about building bridges with my husband before it's too late.’

'Well, good luck to you then,' said Linda. 'If you're sure that's what you want. What about John.'

'I'm not sure.' They walked to the ward door and let themselves out into the stair well. 'I'm confused - I don't know what I want really.' They reached the bottom of the stairs and made their way towards the entrance of the hospital. 'I only know that I feel really guilty about what happened between John and me. I owe it to Peter to try and make our marriage work.'

'You're probably making the right decision,' said Linda. 'But I'm not convinced you really know what you want yet.' They reached the end of the corridor and walked into the courtyard.

'That's why I need some time on my own.' Karen felt the sun on her face.

'Will he be there when you get home? It's Saturday, remember.'

'He goes shopping on Saturdays, so I doubt that he'll be in,' Karen laughed. 'Don't worry, I haven't lost my memory. I do know what day it is.'

'See you on Monday then.' Linda turned towards the nurses’ home.

Karen watched her retreating back until she'd turned the corner.

The bath water was soothing.

Karen tried to relax into the bubbles foaming around her shoulders, but her mind was in a mess. Whenever she thought about John, a mixture of emotions flooded over her. It was like a wave of sunlight after a long dull winter, welcoming and warm but edged with guilt and uneasiness as the black clouds of reality scudded across her sunny sky.

Peter had been her saviour when she was lonely and confused as a teenager. He'd taken care of her at first but when she thought of him lately her feelings were of rising resentment and frustration. He couldn't seem to understand her need to make a life of her own. It wasn't that she didn't love him any more. She just needed the same space that he demanded as his right.

What had once been exciting was now demeaning. His constant need for her to perform in bed whenever he wanted her only made her feel used. At first she'd believed that this was how relationships worked, that it was the woman's place to please her husband. But she was beginning to understand that it didn't have to be like that. Complete submission felt unnatural as she began to question herself, wondering if there was more to life than this.

She'd been afraid to make Peter angry and as she’d swallowed down the chance to voice her feelings time and again, the tightness in her throat grew into something more tangible.

The front door banged. She jumped.

'Karen, are you in?' Peter was calling up the stairs.

'I'm in the bath.' She felt herself tense as she heard his feet on the stairs and then Peter was standing in the doorway, smiling at her.

'Hello darling,' he said. 'How was your day?'

'Fine. Are you alright?'

'Of course I am,' he sat on the edge of the bath, patting the bubbles at her face. She tried not to flinch.

'I'm sorry about this morning,' he said. 'I didn't mean to worry you, staying out so late.' He paused. 'But, you know, Karen, I've been worrying about you too. I've had a lot on my mind lately.'

'You don't have to worry about me. I'm absolutely alright. I just think we need to spend a bit of time together relaxing, that's all.' She looked up at him.

'I was thinking exactly the same.' Peter stood up. 'So, I've booked us a table at that Chinese Restaurant in the precinct for tonight. We can have a nice quiet meal together, just the two of us. O.K.?'

'Oh, alright,' Karen hesitated.

'What's the matter with that?' Peter bristled.

'Nothing. It'll be lovely.'

'I can tell when you're lying,' Peter insisted. 'There's something wrong.'

'It's just that I bought some steak and was going to cook us a meal tonight, that's all. Chinese will be great though.'

'We can have the steak tomorrow,' Peter said. 'We need to be there by seven, so we'll leave here early, say six. We can have a drink somewhere on the way.'

Karen's feelings were mixed as she got out of the bath and dried herself. She felt an excitement that maybe things were going to be better, but there was still a faint niggle that this new mood was false somehow. She shook it away, telling herself that she was imagining things.

'You've been with too many mad people,' she told herself. 'Peter's alright. He's just been through a difficult time.'

'I just need to try harder,' she told herself.

If you are curious about how the story ends, please buy a copy.  It's available from Amazon, both in Kindle and paperback form;  Completelynovel.com.; Waterstones Commercial Road, Portsmouth, The Hayling Island Bookshop; The Bookshop, Lee-on-Solent; Southwick Village Stores; The Red Lion in Southwick; Cafe Flo in Castle Road Southsea.  Also available from all good bookstores who can order in a copy.

Living in a Cold War Climate and Being Sixteen

This town I see a sorry sight
These drops of rain on my window pane
The wind that howls
And the birds that fly
The happy times gone by.
A world of war
Would destroy this town -
Memories would stay forever.
Strange
Yet loving faces
A place full of wonder.

A million pebbles lie
On this beach
A million faces
A million memories.
The ignorant age of old
So wise yet so dumb.
A song that forever rings
In my ears
Hair that's ten years long.

This town
So insignificant, so possessive
So happy, so sad.
People that laugh
People that cry
Music of old
Music of young
A winter so cold
With winds so old
And people so young.
A year's gone by
This town.

Habits that change
People never
A summer so hot
Water so cool -
Cool sights to see
Sea so deep
So dark - black
A cloud of memories rolls by
Tears are shed
And dried
Faces fade and memories live on.

A place of meeting
A musical happiness
And a season passes onward
A mirror sees the light of day
The reflection passes
The door is opened
And sorrow passes by
And happiness comes
And tears are gone.
People come and people go
Summer brings them home.

A stranger may come to this town
Possessive town - insignificant.
My friends all smile
Or my friends all cry
A match is lit
And heat and light comes to this town.
Preachers,
Forgotten people
Backstreets
Home town.

This town has no time
The clock was stopped a year ago
Just faint bells chime on sundays.
Symbols
Simple songs, simple minds.
Music
A whistle blows
The streets of our town where fools parade
Darkness lit by candlelight
And the winds blow.
The sun is gone
It died six months back.

A circular pattern - faces smile
Seen by me alone.
How does it feel to see this town?
In a passing car?
A roaring wind?
Seen by me this town is my heaven
My home
Happiness - Boredom passes the time
Sitting and laughing at the people
The sea, our sea.
Our town so pretty
Yet so dull.
Our people
So old yet so loved and so young.
The clouds can go and the birds can laugh,
The sky is blue - the sun can reappear
Not a care can be shown here.

The rain floods away our worries
And the sun dries away our tears
The heavens can open and swallow the world
But our trees, our seas
Our people, our happiness, memories
Will forever live on
In this
Our town.

One Early Morning Smile

Morning dew moistens my toes
As I leave the warmth of the house.
Entering the lane
The crunching underfoot of my shoes on the ground
Is my return greeting to the birds' melody.
Turning the corner,
The mist is caressing the trees
And seeping through
The fingers of the hedgerows.
Raindrops are like diamonds
Adorning the leaves
Sparkling silver cobwebs of light
Left by a spider who's hurried away.

Down by the river there are cows in the water
They bid me good morning by the look in their eye.
I stand for a moment and watching the water
Wonder where it's come from and where it may go.
But it just laughs in a twinkling
And hurries on its way,
Riding on its back,
A mysterious island -
Only an oak leaf from the meadows behind.
A silver trout dances
Then freezes all motion,
Then flashing its colours is gone from my eye.

I turn on down the road at last
Walk under a tunnel of green,
The sun shining golden through the leaves.
The mist is now yellow
A haze on the hill.
A wild rose encrusted with raindrops
Smiles from the hedgerows -
Just one early morning smile
Before the world is awake.

Light of Youth

This one captures the innocence of my youth.  Written when I was fifteen.

We walked by the shore
The sea roared high
Great waves.
Defying the sea
We ran on the beach
Fell into the cold, cold depths.

Water.
We laughed at the water
The winds blew at our hair
We laughed with the wind
Then we sat
And sang to the sky.

Our laughter still rings out
Now.

The time passed by
Soon the rain fell
We ran for shelter
And spoke for awhile
Thought over times of old.

Our happy eyes -
I saw the light of youth that day.
We've got memories now -
We may cry tomorrow
But it's laughter today.

City People

Ha Ha!  Here's another old poem from my past.  This time it's from 1966.  A long time ago when I was very young.

City People

The people I saw were all coloured grey
Their faces had no faces to see
Their blank reflections I can't recollect
Their joy was not mine to see.

The people I saw wore no characters at all
I couldn't find one wide-opened mind
And when I spoke they were silent
Their ears could not hear
As the stranger, no joy could I find.

To their homes by some mysterious magnetic force
Each sunset they were drawn day by day
In the city's narrow gulleys through the roads they were lured
Each person on his own homeward way.

For many days I inspected with a curious notion
Believing I'd find all's to find.
Too long in the city I rejected my project
And returned with an unfulfilled mind.

I still can't understand the people in cities
And the way each heart seems to beat
How with freedom in country and joy on the seas
To the cities, insisting, they fleet.

Sunrise

Being with Ginny this week reminded me of the poems I wrote years ago.  Today I found some of them in my box of memories.  This one was written in 1971.

Sunrise

Did you see the way the sun came up this morning -
So red and glorious in the birth
Of a new child day?

I saw the leaves dancing
In the golden rays of tresses strewn around
As their jealous mothers' branches
Held them to their boughs.

Did you see the golden sands
Reflecting the shimmering light
Of the skies
In the ocean's eyes?

Or did you sleep like the moon does
And miss the birth of today?

October 13th 1971

All about ECT

A lovely day out today with my oldest best friend, Ginny.  In the meantime - here is chapter 19 - All about ECT:

Chapter Nineteen

It was only a five minute walk to the ECT department but walking along hand in hand with Annie and Millie, each dressed in their slippers and dressing gowns, the journey seemed to drag into infinity.

Annie shuffled along as slowly as possible it seemed. Although she hadn't spoken a word her whole body screamed at Karen to take her back to the safety of the ward. Millie was even worse with her glazed expression seemingly accepting her fate passively as each footstep marched her towards just another day.

The corridor was cool, the sun not reaching in through the windows which were too high to see outside. The blue walls still smelt of new paint, covering the grimy fingerprints of many hands which had trailed along them in misery. They passed the kitchen doors, the inviting aroma of bacon curdling with something else - disinfectant and a taint of stale urine. Two cleaning women were mopping the floor outside the locked door of Milton ward. Raised voices seeped through the keyhole and floated into the air in the corridor.

Eventually they reached the entrance to the newly built ECT department. Shiny and bright, it was incongruously attached to the end of the dinghy Victorian corridor. Linda had been right about the dentist. It certainly looked like a dentist's waiting room with chairs along each wall and a pile of magazines stacked untidily on the low table in the middle of the room.

Karen clutched their notes under her arm. She settled the two ladies in chairs before turning to the office where the staff nurse was waiting.

'Millie Thomas and Annie Crook,' she said as she handed the notes to the nurse. 'From Camberley ward.'

'Thanks. You must be Karen.' The nurse took the notes and placed them on a pile. 'Are you going to watch? Mike phoned and said you were doing your training soon.'

'Is that alright?' Karen asked.

'Of course. My name's Ruth, by the way. Come with me, and I’ll show you the treatment room.' She swept from the room, clutching the pile of notes. Karen followed quickly behind. They marched the length of the waiting room and through the open double doors into a large clinical area.

The room was empty apart from a row of trolleys along one wall, each one covered in a sheet with a folded blanket neatly placed on the end. Oxygen cylinders complete with masks were lined like sentries beside the work surfaces, ready to be used in case of emergency.

Ruth pushed open a door at the far end with her backside and they entered the next room. The smell of disinfectant clung to the air - the surfaces were gleaming white. A tray of syringes and small phials of medication was laid out on one side. She placed the notes on the work surface and turned to Karen.

'These are the anaesthetics we use to put the patient under,' she explained, as she pointed to the tray. 'This phial is the muscle relaxant. Once the patient is unconscious, we inject the muscle relaxant so that they're not so rigid and don't damage their limbs when they convulse. Unfortunately the muscle relaxant also stops them breathing naturally so we have to do it for them with this.' She indicated the oxygen with a large balloon and mask attached. 'We put this over the patient's face and breathe for them until the drug wears off. It only last for a short while. Just long enough to do the ECT.'

'What exactly does ECT stand for?' Karen asked.

'Electro-convulsive therapy. It's just a way to make the patient have a convulsion, you know, like an epileptic fit.'

'What's the point of it?' Karen asked.

'It's supposed to lift their depression,' Ruth replied. 'It's very effective in most cases but it's only used for people who are deeply depressed and all other treatments have failed. It's the last resort, I suppose you could say.'

'Sounds a bit barbaric.'

'Well, not everyone believes in using it,' Ruth agreed. 'But I've seen people get better with this when nothing else has worked and it's better than watching someone suffer to the point where they want to take their life, isn't it?'

'Of course.' Karen was unsure.

'This is the ECT machine.' Ruth indicated a small box, fitted with dials and switches. 'These are the electrodes.' She held up a headpiece complete with pads which was attached to a cord plugged into the machine. 'They're placed on the patient's temples, one on each side of the head then a charge is sent through which causes the patient to fit.'

'Does it hurt?' Karen asked.

'No. They're asleep through the whole thing, and the muscle relaxant stops them doing any damage to themselves.' Ruth smiled. 'Once the treatment is over we take them on the trolley into the recovery room next door and leave them to sleep it off. It only takes half an hour, if that, to come round again. As soon as they're awake, we help them into the waiting room and give them a cup of tea and a biscuit.'

'Are there any problems with it?' Karen couldn't let go of the feeling of unease she felt. 'I've heard that it causes memory loss.'

'There's usually confusion when they wake up and some short term loss of memory, but it is only short term. By the end of the day they'll remember everything again.' She paused. 'Well, mostly anyway.'

'What do you mean?' Karen asked.

'Sometimes people do have longer term memory loss.' Ruth moved towards the door. 'And some patients complain that they're not the same person after a course of treatment. But that's probably to do with their illness, not the treatment.'

'It sounds a bit scary to me,' Karen admitted.

'You get used to it,' Ruth assured her. 'And believe me, it helps more people than it hurts.' She opened the door. 'Right, the doctors will be here in a bit. Are you ready to start?'

'Yes,' said Karen, her reluctance churning inside. She took a breath and followed the nurse through to collect the first patient.

'We'll have Annie first,' Ruth said. 'Sometimes she gets a bit restless.'

She ushered Annie into the recovery room and helped her onto the first trolley.

'I hope you haven't had any breakfast today, Annie,' she said. 'No teeth in?'

Annie showed her bright pink gums before laying down. Ruth pulled the blanket over her lower half and wheeled the trolley through into the treatment room.

'Hold the door open, Karen,' she called.

Once inside, Karen stood by the door, reluctant to be any closer. Two doctors waited inside, leaning against a cabinet. They looked up as the nurses entered.

‘This is Karen,’ Ruth nodded towards Karen. ‘She’s just about to start her training. She’s watching us this morning.’ She turned to Karen who was standing just inside the door, as far away from the treatment area as possible.

'Come over here,' Ruth called. 'You won't see anything from there, and we might need you to help hold her down.'

Karen edged forward until she was standing next to the trolley. The doctor looked up at her.

'Right you can hold the left leg nurse.' He turned back to Annie. 'Now, we're just going to give you a small injection, then when you wake up, you'll be back in the recovery room.'

Annie's response was to lay there, staring at the ceiling.

The anaesthetist took the syringe and injected her with the two drugs, then, as Annie slipped into unconsciousness, held the mask over her face, squeezing the bag to help her breathe whilst the other doctor set the dials on the ECT machine.

'Ready, stand back.' He placed the electrodes on Annie's temples. A shock passed through her as she clenched her gums. Her body suddenly became rigid as her back arched into the air.

'Hold her legs.' Ruth gripped one leg whilst Karen held the other. She felt Annie's body convulsing under her hands.

Karen felt sick with horror at what was happening to this helpless woman but before she could form her feelings into words it was all over. Annie was relaxed, her body seemingly at rest.

'Now we need to turn her on her side,' Ruth said as she moved to the side of the trolley next to Karen. She pulled the blanket from Annie's body. 'It's called the recovery position. Just get a hold of her leg here, take her shoulder and turn her towards you, like this.' She turned Annie expertly. 'Then you put a pillow here, to stop her from rolling on to her back again.' She placed the pillow behind Annie's back and covered her with the blanket again.

'Come on, we've got another dozen to get through this morning.'

She wheeled Annie back to the recovery room where another nurse was waiting to take over.

'You can help me with the next one if you like,' Ruth suggested.

Karen was actually feeling quite queasy at the though of more of the same, but pushed down her hesitation as she nodded and followed her through to the waiting room again.

'We'll do Millie first,' Ruth decided. 'Then you can take them both back to the ward when they're ready.'

The waiting room had filled with patients, men and women, most of whom were dressed in slippers and dressing gowns. Some were sitting passively, staring out of the windows. Others were standing, moving restlessly from side to side. A man dressed in dungarees was pacing the length of the room, a male nurse walking beside him. Ruth nodded to him as she passed.

'Be with you in a minute,' she said. 'We're just going to do Millie first.'

Millie was sat at the end of the row, her face a blank page.

'Come on Millie,' Karen began. 'It's your turn now.'

'Have they done Annie?' Millie asked. 'Is she gone?'

'She's had her treatment,' answered Karen. 'She's sleeping it off now.'

'She's dead,' Millie announced.

'No, Annie's not dead,' replied Karen. 'She's only asleep.'

'You're going to kill me now,' insisted Millie. 'You want to kill me, don't you.'

'Of course not,' assured Karen. 'This is just your treatment. You've had it before and didn't die.'

'You don't know anything,' Millie replied. 'They killed me before. That's what they're doing. I know.'

'Stop it Millie.' Karen tried to find something encouraging to say . 'Come on, you'll feel better after it's done.'

'Alright.' Millie got to her feet. 'I'll come, but you know I'll be dead.' She reached for Karen's hand and walked through the door into the recovery room.

'Hello Millie,' Ruth smiled at her as she came into the room. 'Let's get you up on the trolley. Good girl.'

Millie was soon lying on her back being wheeled through to the treatment room and Karen assisted with the same process as she had with Annie.

'Two down, ten to go,' said the doctor as they pushed her back through the double doors to recover.

'You can stay out here now, love,' Ruth instructed Karen. 'When they wake up take them into the waiting room and get them a cup of tea. There's some biscuits in the kitchen too. But make sure no one waiting for treatment has any. You have to watch them like hawks.' She looked at Karen's face. 'Don't worry, you're not on your own.' She indicated the other nurse who was sitting reading a magazine and who looked across at them before going back to her reading.

Karen waited, watching Annie's and Millie's sleeping faces, each one seemingly oblivious of the busy clattering world that they were in. She wondered what their dreams could be, and whether the ECT made you forget everything in your dreams as well.

Annie was stirring. The recovery nurse dragged herself away from her reading and came over to help her off the trolley.

'Hello, Annie.' Her voice was too loud. 'You're in ECT. You've had your treatment and now we're going to get you a nice cup of tea.'

'I'll take her now, if you like,' Karen said as she took Annie's arm.

'Alright, thanks,' said the nurse. 'Millie will be awake in a minute. You get Annie settled and come back for her.'

Soon they were trailing back along the corridors towards the ward and plodding up the narrow dark staircase together.

Karen remembered her first day.

'The things I've got myself into,' she thought. It was all still strange, but she felt she wouldn't have missed it for the world.

This ECT though was another matter altogether.

Poor Annie and Millie - neither of them seemed to know where they were going or where they'd been that morning.

'Come along Millie.' Karen noticed she'd lagged behind.

Millie gazed blankly at Karen.

'Here, take my hand,' Karen suggested. Millie took her hand and they continued up the stairs.

Being a party to this morning's events weighed heavily on Karen's conscience, taking her mind off her own troubles for a while. There were so many things about this work that made her feel uncomfortable.

'What am I doing here?' she thought, not for the first time.

Fumbling with her keys, she unlocked the door and let them back into the ward.

September

Suddenly it's September
You wonder at how fast
Months fly by
When Summer comes at last.
But it forgot to come this year you say
And here you sit today
In September
Watching the sun shining at last.
A bitter-sweet feeling
Hoping that it's true
And Summers really do
Come later now.
And dreading the chill
That seeps into your bones
And leaves you longing
For Spring's gentle thaw -
So far away
Beyond the deep, dark
Winter months -
They stretch ahead before you.

Don't get depressed
You tell yourself -
Look out
Walk about
And pretend it's only July.
So you peel off your coat
Kick off your boots
And sandal clad
You venture forth
Into the Hampshire sunshine
And yes,
It feels good.
You smile.

Book signing last Saturday/Chapter 18

Doing a book signing in Waterstones on Saturday was the best experience so far in this book promoting business.  Apart from my first one in Southwick Stores of course.  It was great to see so many people coming in actually interested in my writing, and going away clutching a copy in their Waterstones bags.  The remaining three copies not sold on the day have been signed by me and are on the shelf in the shop so if you couldn't get there on Saturday and want a copy, they should still have some in stock.  The book is now available on catalogue as well so bookstores should be able to order it in.  Now I've got to up my game and look further afield for more opportunities to sell more copies.  In the meantime, here is chapter 18.

Chapter Eighteen

Karen was hurting.

‘I know I’ve been an idiot,’ she told herself. ‘Letting myself get involved with another man but the thought of Peter with someone else...’ It was too much to take in. She still loved Peter and wanted things to be good between them again. As she mulled it over in her head she could see that actually things had never been that good. Well, maybe in the beginning, when life together had been exciting somehow, but not in the past few years. And now there was John. Or was there? She hadn’t seen him since that afternoon. She flushed at the memory of lying naked in his bed.

'I need to talk to you,' Karen told Linda as she busied herself unloading the trolley into the sink in the ward kitchen. Linda had made a fresh pot of tea and was rinsing out some mugs from the staff cupboard.

The kitchen was narrow, lined with cupboards and a large double sink unit. The tall window cast light onto the grey stainless steel food warmer which was situated under the serving hatch, now closed against the curious eyes of the patients who still wandered about in the dining room.

'What's up love?' Linda passed a mug of tea to Karen.

'I've got myself in a bit of a mess.' Karen was reluctant to put into words what she was feeling.

'I think I know,' Linda said. 'It's John, isn't it?'

'How did you know?' Karen was surprised.

'Oh for God's sake, Karen,' Linda laughed. 'You've hardly kept it a secret, going back to his room in the middle of the afternoon.' She paused and lit a cigarette. 'Besides, it's written all over your face.'

'Is it that obvious?' Karen sipped her tea.

'Everyone's talking about it. Are you having sex with him?'

Karen felt herself blushing. She paused.

'You are.' Linda blew smoke into the air and flicked her ash into the sink. 'I hope you know what you're getting into.'

'No. Not really.' Karen felt silly. 'That is, I did have sex with him, and no, I don't know what I'm getting myself into. I feel totally confused. It was great, what we did. Made me feel special and it was just what I needed, but now I feel guilty and dirty.' She paused. 'I mean, I'm married to Peter, and I do love him. It's just that he doesn't seem to understand me any more.'

'Listen to yourself!' Linda spluttered. '“He doesn't understand me”. Isn't that the usual old excuse?'

Karen sighed. ‘He stayed out all night last night.’

‘Oh dear. That’s not good. But...’

‘I know what you’re thinking. Why should I care?’

'I wasn’t thinking that.' Linda paused. 'How do you feel about John?'

'I really like him a lot.' Karen studied the stain on the wall behind the sink. 'I wouldn't have slept with him if I didn't. But I don't know what he feels about me. It was great when were together. I haven't had so much fun in years.'

'Are you seeing him again?' Linda asked.

'It's not like that,' Karen said. 'We haven't had any dates - it just happened on the spur of the moment and we ended up in bed. I don't know where it's going or if I even want it to go anywhere.'

'Difficult then.'

'Very. I don't think I could cope with breaking up with Peter, or even if he would let me go.' She shivered. 'I'm scared.'

'I think that you need to talk to John first. If you want to keep seeing him, that is.'

'I suppose I do.'

'Well, that's where you start from.' Linda took another sip of her tea.

'I'm not sure though,' Karen hesitated.

'You need to do some serious thinking first, I suppose.'

'You're right. Oh, I don't know what to do,' she wailed.

'You'll be starting your training soon, won't you?' Linda asked.

'Yes, but what's that got to do with anything?'

'You don't want to have any problems in your love life once you start training,' she replied. 'You'll need all your energy for the course work.'

'It doesn't start until October. I've got a few months yet.' Karen paused. 'But that's another thing. Peter's not exactly happy about me starting the course. I don't know how it will work out.'

'A lot can change in a few months,' Linda offered. 'Just sort your feelings out around John first.'

'Easier said than done.' Karen smiled. 'Anyway, changing the subject, I have to take Millie and Annie to ECT this morning. Mike thinks it'll be good for me to start seeing some of the treatments.'

'Good luck.' Linda grimaced.

'What's it like?' Karen was slightly scared at the prospect. She'd read a bit about ECT in a book on treatments that she'd found on the shelf in the office. The pictures had done nothing to alleviate her feelings of trepidation. The other staff hadn't helped either with their horror stories of times when the treatment had gone wrong, laughing at the memories of the patient who had bitten her tongue off, and the one who'd thrashed about so much that she'd broken her arm.

'It's not as bad as people make out,' Linda said. 'Just like going to the dentist, only it's over quicker.'

'I'm not looking forward to it.' Karen finished her tea and put the mug in the sink.

'You'll be alright.' Linda stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray on the windowsill. 'If you're doing your training, you'll see a lot worse than ECT.'

'Thanks Linda,' Karen laughed. 'Better get going I suppose.'