Things get even harder for Karen...

Chapter Thirty-four

Evelyn was glad to be back in her room. She could shut her mind down again. She didn’t have to speak to anyone. She sat on her bed and watched the light. The shadows had started to darken the room a little as the sun fell across the opposite side of the garden, shimmering in the trees. Her eyes rested there while she tried to relax.

So many thoughts flew through her mind as she tried hard not to think about the morning. That nurse, Marion, was cruel, she knew that. But Karen was kind. She wondered what her baby would be like now. Someone like Karen, she hoped. She would have been about the same age. Evelyn had never wondered whether she would ever be able to see her daughter again. It had all seemed impossible at the time. She didn’t even know exactly where she’d been taken or whether she’d been adopted. She hoped that the child hadn’t been left in a children’s home for years, unwanted and unloved. Because Evelyn loved her - would always love her - would always live with the pain of that awful day when she’d been taken away.

She’d felt safe when Karen was with her and some of the pain was easing but when she’d been left alone with Marion in Fareham, there was no-one there to stop the teasing. She hadn’t known what to do. Didn’t want to be angry any more.

Then she’d run to her mother’s house without thinking about where she was going or why. The thought of her mother still hurt. Now she was just a little old woman with pain in her eyes. Evelyn tried not to think about how it would have been for her mother, seeing her daughter having a baby and then having to go away.

She shook away the memories and tried to look to her future.

Would she ever leave the hospital? They said she would. Everyone was talking about living in “The Community”. She’d heard about patients who’d moved out for a short while. When they came back, they were worse and their stories of living in damp bedsits and wandering the streets all day just made her shudder. It would be like going to a foreign country. Going to Fareham today had been hard enough, everything was different now.

She pulled back the covers and curled into the middle of her bed, covering herself completely and let the tears come, bringing with them black fears which were buried deep within her.

Black fears surged through Karen as she waited for Peter to come home that evening. She sat in the armchair and watched from the window, unable to take her eyes from the street, her ears straining to hear the familiar sound of his car, glancing at her watch every thirty seconds or so. She was afraid of how Peter would react when she told him about the baby but seeing Evelyn with her mother had made her determined to tell him as soon as possible. She had made a decision at last.

It was early and she’d already prepared their evening meal. She just had to keep busy. Now she had nothing to do but wait. It was driving her mad. When his car finally pulled up outside she jumped. Taking a deep breath she stood up, checked her face in the mirror and was ready with a smile on her face when he opened the front door of the house.

‘What’s this? he asked. ‘Special occasion?’

‘I was on an early shift.’ Her voice was too shrill. ‘Dinner will be about half an hour.’

‘I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.’

‘You’re not going out, are you?’ Karen asked. ‘I... we need to talk.’

‘Here we go.’ Peter threw his keys onto the coffee table. ‘What have you been up to now?’

‘Nothing.’ Karen laughed. ‘We’ll talk after dinner. Let me get started on the cooking.’

‘Fine.’ He shrugged. ‘I’ll get a bath then. Back down in a bit.’ He took the stairs two at a time.

Karen went to the kitchen and turned the heat on under the grill for the lamb chops, checked the oven where two jacket potatoes were baking, and opened a tin of peas, trying to swallow down her nervousness whilst she listened to Peter’s bath running in the room above. She tried not to imagine how he would take the news.

‘Nice meal.’ Peter pushed his chair away from the table and leaned back. ‘Now - are you going to tell me what this is all about?’

Karen swallowed the last mouthful of food, took a sip of water and looked up at him. There was no easy way to do this.

‘I’m pregnant,’ she said.

Peter sat up with a start. ‘You’re joking!’ His words spluttered into the air.

‘No. I really am pregnant,’ she said, watching the grin spread across Peter’s face and wondering how long it would be before it was wiped off again. She had the power of her future in her hands. A few “white lies” would make all the difference to whether life would be easier or unbearable.

‘When?’ he was asking, and Karen could see he was working out the dates. ‘It could be a Christmas baby.’

She swallowed. ‘It’s not due until March. I’m only a few weeks pregnant.’

‘You can’t be,’ Peter insisted. ‘Trust you to get it wrong,’ he laughed.

Karen said nothing. She let him go on about the son he’d always wanted, panicking inside at the thought of telling him the truth. She stood up.

‘I’ll make some coffee,’ she said.

‘I’ll do it,’ Peter said, following her with the plates from the table. ‘You sit down, I’ll wash up.’

‘I don’t really want coffee.’

‘Well tea then. Come on, let me do something for once.’ He steered her out of the kitchen.

Karen sat on the sofa, feeling terrible. She knew she had to tell him the truth before it was too late.

He was soon back with the tea and sat opposite her in the easy chair. ‘Well, this is a turn up for the books,’ he said. ‘A bit of a surprise, eh?’

Karen nodded.

‘I mean, you were so adamant about not wanting to start a family, and here you are, pregnant. I suppose it was an accident. Did you forget to take the pill?’

‘Yes - I didn’t really want this,’ she said. ‘You know that.’

‘Well, some things are meant to be,’ he said. ‘I always knew that you were meant to be a mum. Now we can start being a proper family.’

‘I suppose.’

‘You’ll have to give up working at the hospital,’ he said. ‘That place is bad enough without you being there with my baby growing inside you.’

Karen gritted her teeth. ‘I’m not giving it up,’ she said.

‘Well you won’t be able to work there for much longer, will you?’

‘Other nurses have children,’ she argued. ‘They seem to manage OK.’

‘You’re not other nurses. Come on Karen, surely you can see that it’s not such a great idea, putting yourself in danger while you’re pregnant.’ He leaned forward on the chair, his hands reached out and gripped her knees.

Karen looked at him. He released the grip and patted her instead. She stood up and walked to the window. She thought about what he was saying. It was true that Camberley Ward was unpredictable, but...

‘I could work on another ward,’ she said. ‘There are other places I could work that are easier. I don’t want to lose my chance.’

‘Nature seems to have overtaken your little whim, hasn’t it?’ He was sneering at her now.

‘It’s not a whim,’ she answered. ‘I will do it, even if I have to put it on hold for a while.’

‘I doubt that,’ Peter said. ‘Don’t you see, now we're starting a family, we might as well have the full set? You know - have another one straight after this.’

‘You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you? This is my body, Peter, and I’ll decide what I do with it.’ Her mouth was set with determination.

‘Well, you should have thought about that before you missed the pill, shouldn’t you?’ He walked towards her, reaching for her. ‘Come on, you silly thing - you know I’m right. Let’s just get this baby out of the way first and see how you feel then.’

Karen froze inside as he held her.

The way he was trying to take control of her life even before the baby was born brought an overwhelming fear to the surface. She pushed herself away from him and stood by the window, looking out. She could hear his breathing, heavy and angry, while he waited for her to say something.

‘Well?’ It was Peter who broke the silence.

‘It’s not yours.’ Karen’s voice was a whisper, her dry throat swallowed any sound she tried to make.

‘What did you say?’ he asked through his teeth. ‘I thought I heard you say it wasn’t mine.’

Karen turned to face him. She nodded.

‘That’s what I said - the baby isn’t yours.’ She felt a strength which seemed to come from nowhere. ‘I went with someone else, just once. I don’t know how it happened.’ The words sounded ridiculous even to her.

Peter stood there, staring at her with a look of contempt.

‘You bitch!’ he said eventually, and stormed into the kitchen.

Karen heard the clatter of pans and the sound of a bottle clinking on glass. She was still at the window leaning against the wall when he returned a few minutes later, a glass of whisky in one hand and the bottle in the other. He paced the room. Karen flinched as he loomed in close to her.

‘You are a first class bitch!’ he spat. ‘Do you know that?’

The smell of the whisky on his breath made her feel sick, tiny flecks of spittle from his mouth were on her face. She wiped them off with the back of her hand.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wondering why she was always apologising. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you,’ she began again, then stopped when she saw the look of disgust on his face.

‘Who was it?’ he asked.

‘No-one you know,’ Karen said. ‘Just a friend. It was something that just happened.’

‘Something just happened. Someone from work, I suppose?’ Peter took another mouthful of whisky from the tumbler. 'You'll have to stop seeing him.'

‘I’m not seeing him. I never was really seeing him,’ Karen answered. ‘I don’t know why I did it now. I didn’t mean it to happen. It just did. Once. And I haven’t seen him since.’

‘You must be seeing him. You work with him,’ he shouted. ‘No wonder you never want to come home - always working extra hours. Is this what you get up to when you’re working overtime?’

‘No, of course not,’ Karen sobbed. ‘He doesn’t even work on the same ward now anyway.’

‘Does he know you’re pregnant?’ He was quieter now.

‘Yes,’ Karen said. ‘I told him, but he’s not going to get involved.’

‘Oh, he’s not going to get involved?’ Peter was shouting again. ‘What do you expect me to do, pretend that it’s mine?’

‘I don’t know,’ Karen said.

‘Well, I do. You’ll have to get rid of it.’

‘I can’t do that.’

He wasn’t listening. ‘Yes, you get rid of it, then we’ll start a proper family of our own. You can stop going to that place you call work, and stay here and be the wife you should be.’ He paused as he paced the room, pouring another slug of whisky into the glass as he went. He slammed the bottle down onto the dining table with a crash and continued.

‘That’s it. You obviously aren’t getting enough sex from me, so as soon as you’ve got rid of that thing inside you, we can get back to how things should be between us.’

‘Please, Peter, don’t talk like that,’ Karen pleaded. ‘I want to keep this baby. I know I didn’t want a child, but now that I’m pregnant, I couldn’t kill my baby. I couldn’t. I know it’s not yours but...’

‘You bloody well will,’ Peter interrupted, his voice as cold as ice. ‘Come here.’

Karen couldn’t move. There was something about him that had changed. She glanced at him as he moved towards her. Suddenly, his arm flew up and she felt the impact of his hand slap her hard across her cheek, lifting her from her feet and slamming her into the corner of the room.

She slumped against the wall, holding her head in her hands, waiting for more of the same, but he just turned on his heel, grabbed his keys from the table, and was gone out of the front door with a slam.

Good Friday in Southwick

Good Friday

It's a crisp cold morning in Southwick - the sun, which was shining brightly at eight am, is now hiding behind the wintry clouds.  I'm alone in the house, apart from Elsie the cat, who is still sleeping in the spot where the sun once lured her to lie.  Mark is away for the weekend, walking and camping in Dartmoor.  I smile when I hear the weather forecast - "2cm snow on Dartmoor expected today."  I'm snuggled down in our cosy bed - missing him.

Eventually I get up and decide to have my hot-cross bun in the village tea room.  It is Good Friday, after all.  To make it even more interesting I take my notebook with me.  The shop itself is busy, there is a happy feel about the place.  Richard is busily baking more batches of Easter pasties and Hot Cross Buns.  I am served by Rachel and go into the tea-room to wait for my elevenses.  Two children play amicably on the floor, smile up at me and say "hello".

The menu in Southwick Village Tea Room is simple with croissants, sandwiches and baguettes, pies, pasties and sausage rolls, cakes, scones and toasted teacakes, all baked in-house, served with a choice of teas, coffees and soft drinks.  A cooked Full English breakfast is served at weekends - certainly worth a try.

I sit where I can see into the front of the shop and watch as people come and go.  It's good to see Southwick Stores come back to life with new energy.  It's certainly creating a good buzz in the village again and complements the two pubs that Southwick is lucky to have.

Some may say that the tea-room could be a negative thing, being in competition with the pubs but I believe that a thriving shop and tea room can only enhance what we have in Southwick and bring more passing trade for the pubs as well.  Although none of us want Southwick to become a 'tourist centre' or holiday resort, it is true already that many people come here to walk in the country or to cycle, even using the village hall as a start and finish point for cycle racing.  Some come just to sample the pub fayre or to look around the Brewhouse and purchase Ales to take home.  Many come to check out The Golden Lion pub, famous for Eisenhower and Montgomery drinking there at the time prior to the D-Day landings.  During the summer months I have seen many a coach-load of tourists pass this way, often from as far afield as the USA.  In the past many of these passers-by have been disappointed at not having anywhere to sit and enjoy a cup of tea before going on their way.

The Golden Lion is a thriving pub, with regular quiz nights, a thriving event which raises money for charity, Jazz on Tuesday evenings and bands playing on many a Friday night.  The food served is excellent - not your normal pub-fayre.  The Public Bar is friendly, welcoming and noisy at times, with a dart board and selection of games on demand, such as Jenga or Dominoes.  If you want peace and quiet, the lounge bar is comfortable with sofas and an open fire.  The lounge leads to a compact dining room but food can be served in the Public Bar also if you prefer an informal atmosphere.

The Red Lion has long had a reputation for high quality food with regular favourites on the menu as well as a 'Specials Board'.  Another friendly pub with a welcoming atmosphere but without the bustle of a public bar, The Red Lion has long been the home of such events as Pumpkin Night and Pickle Tasting Night to raise funds for the Southwick Christmas Tree Lights - an event which raises money for The Rowans Hospice.

So a busy Village Stores and Tea Room can only be good for the village and especially for the pubs - whilst I have been sitting here this morning, I have seen many people come into the shop, pleasantly surprised at the friendly welcome and the range of items in stock and listened to them enquiring about village life.

Caught in the Web - Chapter 33

This one's from CAUGHT IN THE WEB - my first novel, available on Kindle from www.amazon.com or www.amazon.co.uk.  Also in paperback from Amazon or www.completelynovel.com and from many other websites selling books.  If you live locally you can get a signed copy from The Museum in Westbury Manor, Fareham.  Also in stock at The Book Shop, Lee-on-the-Solent, The One Tree Bookshop in Petersfield, and Waterstones Fareham and Portsmouth, Blackwells in Portsmouth and from any bookshop with access to catalogues.

So, if you enjoy reading this, please consider purchasing a copy of the novel and writing a review on Amazon.  In the meantime, I am busy working on the next one.

Chapter Thirty-three

Evelyn ran from the cafe, her head filled with pain and confusion.

Faces seemed to fling themselves into hers as she ran, muddling her vision and thoughts. She only knew she had to get away from that woman who’d been goading her, saying things that she shouldn’t say. Things about Evelyn’s baby. Things about Karen. It was all so mixed up in her head. Then the woman had prodded her as she spoke and that had made Evelyn angry, so angry that she’d felt the emotions exploding inside her.

Evelyn knew she had to get away from her. She’d stood up and shouted ‘No!’ and had left. She knew she had to leave before she did something bad to the woman. Evelyn didn’t want to do bad things any more. Life was getting better now. She was still scared at times but Karen had helped her to feel safe.

Where was Karen?

‘She said she’d look after me,’ Evelyn thought to herself, then realised that the words had been spoken aloud. People were staring at her as she stumbled along the street. She had no idea where she was going.

It was with a shock that she found herself under the shadow of the church tower. Looking up at the clock which was looming over her like a dark memory, she noticed that it was nearly eleven. The bells would soon be chiming the hour.

Without further thought she turned into Trinity Street and found herself standing outside number twenty-eight, her heart bursting with feelings that she couldn’t even start to describe.

She peered into the alley at the side of the house. It was all in darkness apart from the sunlight at the far end, a tunnel into the future and past all jumbled together in her head.

A group of young girls giggled their way towards her on the pavement. As they approached Evelyn took flight through the alley without further thought. The bright sunlight blinded her as she reached the end of the darkened walkway. She covered her eyes with her hand, trying to collect her senses.

It was some seconds before she noticed the old woman sitting in a chair outside the back door of the house. She appeared to be asleep, her eyes were closed and her face was relaxed and at peace.

Evelyn took a sharp intake of breath as the woman opened her eyes. Evelyn wanted to run away, but it was too late.

‘Mum?’ she said instead.

‘Evelyn?‘ The old woman looked startled as she struggled to her feet. She quickly composed herself. ‘My dear child, come in. Please come in.’

Evelyn just stood frozen to the spot as she glared at her mother. A moment passed before the older woman reached out her hand and took Evelyn’s in her own.

‘Please, sit down with me for a while,’ she pleaded. ‘Here.’ She motioned to the chair. ‘I’ll get another chair from the kitchen. Please don’t go,’ she called as she dashed into the house as quickly as she could. She re-appeared a moment later with another chair. ‘I’m so glad you’ve come,’ she said, placing the chair next to Evelyn’s and sitting down on the edge.

‘I ran away,’ Evelyn said.

‘From the hospital?’

‘No. We were out. Me and the nurses.’

‘Why did you run away?’ Her mother’s voice was quiet.

‘Karen said she’d look after me.’

‘Karen? Is she the nurse?’

‘Karen’s nice.’

They sat in silence.

‘I missed you,’ Evelyn finally said. ‘You stopped coming.’

Evelyn glanced at her mother and felt an overwhelming sadness for the lost years that would never return.

‘I’m sorry,’ her mother said. ‘I couldn’t...’

‘I thought you were dead,’ Evelyn accused.

‘I was wrong. It was so...’

‘Where’s Uncle Bob?’ Evelyn felt no fear of him now. It was such a long time ago. He’d be an old man now and couldn’t hurt her again.

‘He died. A long time ago now. Ten years.’ She paused. ‘I should have come to see you before, but I was afraid to. Every time I visited you, it seemed to make you worse, to upset you. That’s why I decided to stop coming.’

Evelyn said nothing. She couldn’t remember how she’d felt back then. It was so long ago and she’d spent so many years blocking out the pain. She felt relief that he was dead, that was all. She was glad that he was gone and she’d never have to remember those things he’d done to her - things that she could never talk about.

‘I know I was wrong,’ her mother went on. ‘I only did what I thought was best but it broke my heart not seeing you. I’ve always hoped that one day you’d get better though, and come home again.’

‘My baby’s gone,’ Evelyn said.

‘I am so sorry about your baby. I couldn’t have done anything else at the time. I wish I had though. I would give anything to go back and change things, but I couldn’t go against Bob. We... I relied on him.’

A silence fell between them again. Evelyn’s feelings were still in a muddle and her mother couldn’t seem find the words to make things easier. Evelyn avoided looking at her, aware of the nearness of her mother and the void of the years apart from her.

The clatter of footsteps in the alley disturbed the silence as Karen burst through the end of the walkway and into the bright sunlight.

‘Evelyn!’ Karen blurted. ‘Thank God you’re alright.’

‘You?’ Her mother seemed to already know Karen.

Evelyn stood up, about to run away again. Her eyes darted to the end of the garden, but she knew there was no escape in that direction.

‘Please don’t go, Evelyn,’ Karen said quietly.

Evelyn sighed. ‘I lost my baby,’ she said.

‘It’s alright, Evelyn,’ Karen’s voice was soothing. Evelyn hesitated. She didn’t want to think about her baby but being here just brought it all back.

‘Evelyn’s baby was taken away a short while after she was born,’ her mother was saying. ‘Times were difficult for us.’ She looked at Evelyn.

It hurt so much, just remembering. Everything about this place made it all so real again. The smell of the garden, the sound of the birds singing, seeing her mother again. The tears started to flow as Evelyn felt the pain, as fresh as on the day it had happened. She just wanted to get back to the safety of her room on the ward, to cocoon herself in the blanket of madness which had always provided her with the comfort she needed.

Karen was speaking to her again.

‘Evelyn. You’re going to be alright. I’ll get you back to the hospital safely.’ It was as though she’d read Evelyn’s mind.

‘Won’t you just stop for a cup of tea?’ her mother pleaded.

‘Evelyn?’ Karen asked.

But Evelyn knew she couldn’t stay any longer. She shook her head and clutched Karen’s arm, ignoring the look of pain on her mother’s face.

‘I’ll take her back then,’ Karen smiled. ‘Maybe we could visit again.’

‘That would be nice. Evelyn, would you like that?’

Evelyn could only nod. She wiped away her tears and tried to smile.

‘And I could come and visit you, if you like,’ her mother added. She reached out to Evelyn and touched her fleetingly on the hand.

‘Alright.’ Evelyn snatched her hand away.

‘I’m glad you came to see me today. Thank you.’

Evelyn turned to Karen. ‘Can we go back now?’ she asked.

‘Of course,’ Karen said. ‘Goodbye Mrs. Chapman.’ She smiled at the older woman as Evelyn clung tighter onto her arm. They turned and walked together through the alley into the present world of busy streets, the bus back to the hospital, and Evelyn’s reality.

This one's from the new novel

Geoffrey

Geoffrey thinks he’s feeling better.  The days blur together in this place, marked only by the timetable pasted on the noticeboard in the dining area.  It’s not even a proper room - not a dining room.  The nurses walk up and down or hang about watching us.  The tables and chairs are bolted to the floor so you can’t pick them up and throw them when things get too much to handle.  

Geoffrey doesn’t spend so much time in his room any more.  They’ve taken him off fifteen minute obs.  His key worker sat down with him - said it was a “one-to-one” and got him to sign a contract.  He was meant to take part in more activities - do out on structured leave - that’s what they called it - but this only meant that he got to walk down the road to the local shop and back.  So far he was only allowed out with an escort but that only happened if there were enough staff on duty to be spared to go with him.  Still, if he did everything they asked him to do and smiled a bit more, he knew they’d soon let him out on his own.

The worst bit of the day was the meetings in the morning.  All the patients and staff had to sit in the room and talk about stuff.  Like “issues” that had come up and what activities were on offer that day, who wanted to go out and where.  It was always the same though - the ones with the loudest voices talked a lot, shouting down the others.  The nurses didn’t seem to notice that some patients never said a word.  Sometimes there’d be angry shouting with people walking out and slamming the door.

Geoffrey hated in when new people came in.  They were nearly always trouble - shouting and pacing day and night - sometimes even fighting with the nurses and other patients.  Then they were “escorted” to the secure wing for a few hours.  It was frightening.  Geoffrey tried to stay in his room whenever he could.  

He wasn’t in his room this particular evening though.  His key worker had told him he needed to integrate more - so he forced himself to sit in the dining room and read a paper.  It was near enough to the ward office for him to be seen and that was good on two fronts - he felt safer there and he knew the staff would notice him and write in their reports that he was complying with his care plan.  The care plan he’d signed even though he didn’t really understand what it was all about or why.

Geoffrey was struggling to concentrate on the paper.  Normally he loved to do the word puzzles but since coming to this place he’d found it almost impossible to get any of the words right.  This evening it was even more difficult than usual - he couldn’t help overhearing what was going on in the ward office.  The nurse was on the phone and he kept hearing snatches of the one-sided conversation.

‘What?’

‘No, we can’t admit him again.’

‘Why?  Because the last time he was in here he repeatedly failed the drug tests.’

‘I’m sorry, this is not a detox unit.’

‘It’s not only that - there was the violence.’

‘That’s as may be, but we do have the right to refuse admission....’

‘I know - no - very well - just overnight then.’

Geoffrey had a slight feeling of anxiety in the pit of his stomach as he wondered about the potential new admission.  He was thinking about retiring back into his room when the nurse appeared at the office door, sighed and catching Geoffrey watching him, smiled brightly.

‘Hello, Geoffrey, it’s good to see you out of your room at last.’  He made his way across to the dining area and stood beside Geoffrey.  ‘How are you this evening?’

‘Alright.’ Geoffrey replied.  ‘Is there going to be a new admission this evening?’

‘You been listening?’  the nurse asked.

‘I couldn’t help over-hearing.  Who is it?’

‘Just another young man.  It’s nothing for you to be concerned about,’ he said.

‘Is he a drug addict?’  Geoffrey asked.

‘It’s not appropriate for me to divulge anything about other patients.’

‘Only asking,’ Geoffrey said.

‘Well, you wouldn’t like me talking about you to other patients, would you?’ 

‘I suppose not, but I heard you say that he was violent.  Surely I have the right to know whether I’m safe or not.’

‘There is nothing to worry about,’ The nurse tried to reassure Geoffrey.  By this time a couple of other patients had begun to mill about the dining area, waiting for the evening medication to be given out.  Geoffrey queued for his medication and took this opportunity to slip away to his room before the nurse had finished with the other patients.

Caught in the Web - Chapter 32.

If you are enjoying reading these chapters, you can purchase the whole novel in paperback from www.completelynovel.com or www.amazon.com; www.amazon.co.uk; amazon worldwide as well as from all good bookstores.  Locally it is stocked in The Book Shop at Lee-on-the-Solent, Westbury Manor Museum, Fareham, The One Tree Bookshop, Petersfield, Blackwells in Portsmouth, and Waterstones in Commercial Road, Portsmouth and Fareham.

Chapter Thirty-two

‘I want you to take Evelyn and Florrie out to town this morning.’ Mike was giving instructions to Marion and Karen the next morning.

Karen had mixed feelings about this. The last person she wanted to spend the morning with was Marion. Mike looked at her and smiled.

‘I know you two aren’t the best of mates,’ he said. ‘But Marion’s got a lot of experience, and I think it’ll be good for you both.’

Karen blushed. ‘I don’t mind,’ she said.

‘I can teach you a thing or two about taking patients out,’ Marion smirked. ‘Just watch and learn.’

Karen smiled uncertainly at her.

‘Let’s go and give them the good news,’ laughed Marion. ‘You can have Evelyn, and I’ll take Florrie. We need to get them ready in time for the ten o’clock bus.’

‘Fine,’ Karen said.

Karen knew she was pretending everything was fine, not just at work, but in her whole life. She dreaded telling Peter she was pregnant, and in her dread, began to imagine that maybe she wasn’t. It was easy to avoid him. He was out when she got in last night. A deep exhaustion had kept her asleep all night and she hadn’t even noticed when he came in.

As soon as she had awoken this morning, she'd slipped out of bed quickly, trying to avoid the smell of alcohol and perfume that clung to him like a cloak. She'd pushed away the nausea and left the house as quietly as possible, breathing a sigh of relief as the door closed behind her.

She was looking forward to going out with the patients, although would have preferred to go with Linda or Sheila. Marion was so hard to get on with. Karen had tried to like her, and had seen a softer side to her at times. She had her favourite patients. Emily, who needed to be spoon-fed, was one she had a lot of time for, gently wiping her mouth after each spoonful. Karen remembered that Mike had said that Marion had a heart of gold underneath her hard exterior so she tried to keep an open mind as she prepared herself mentally for the outing into town.

She knocked on Evelyn’s door and entered the room. ‘We’re going to town on the bus,’ she said. ‘We need to get you ready.’

Evelyn was sitting in the chair beside her window, the sunshine casting a shaft of light across her face, dust mites floating in the air in front of her eyes. She drew her eyes away from the dust, looked up at Karen and smiled.

‘What do you think, Evelyn? Do you think it would be nice?’ She sat on the edge of the bed.

‘Am I going home?’ Evelyn frowned.

‘No. Not home,’ Karen answered. ‘Just to the shops for a look around. We could go for a cup of tea in a cafe if you like.’

‘Not home,’ Evelyn persisted.

‘No. We can’t take you home today.’ Karen felt apprehensive. Evelyn’s old home was in the middle of Fareham. There’d been no contact with Mrs. Chapman since Karen’s visit to her. She’d not told any of the staff about the visit, and still felt unsure about whether she should have gone at all.

‘Well, what do you think?’ She asked again.

‘Alright.’ Evelyn paused, frowning. She looked at Karen and smiled again. ‘You’ll look after me,’ she said.

‘Of course. We’ll go on the bus and have a cup of tea. Then come back again together.’

‘Together,’ Evelyn said. She stood up and held her hand out to Karen. ‘Come on then. I’m ready.’

Fareham was quieter than on the market day. They wandered around Woolworth, browsing through the kitchen wares - Karen felt the irony of browsing through items that neither Florrie nor Evelyn would be likely to need. They stood by the pick-and-mix sweets watching a little boy choose a bag of chocolate buttons, toffee, and jelly beans. Florrie reached out to help herself to a fistful of sweet bananas and had stuffed them into her mouth before Marion could stop her.

‘Florrie!’ she snapped. ‘You have to put them in a bag and pay for them.’ She looked at Karen. ‘Let’s get out of here,’ she said.

‘Come on Evelyn, we’re going.’ Karen took hold of Evelyn’s hand and tried not to laugh as they left the shop - hoping that the shop assistant hadn’t noticed.

‘Let’s go and get a cup of tea.’ Marion suggested. ‘There’s a place just along here. It’s a bakery with a cafe in the back.’

They wandered along the road, looking into shop windows as they went, standing for a while outside the Savoy Cinema which was showing the latest James Bond film, Live and Let Die. Evelyn stared at the photographs advertising the film, then turned and looked up at the glass doors at the top of the broad steps.

‘Are you alright, Evelyn?’ Karen asked.

‘I remember this place,’ Evelyn said. ‘I used to come here.’

‘What films did you see?’ Karen asked trying to imagine Evelyn as a young girl.

‘I don’t remember.’ Evelyn paused. ‘Red Shoes. Moira Shearer.’

‘I remember seeing that on the telly,’ Karen said. ‘It was about a ballet dancer wasn’t it?’

‘Yes,’ Evelyn smiled.

‘Come on, you two.’ Marion’s voice brought Karen back to the present. ‘We won’t have time for a drink if you don’t get a move on,’ she complained.

‘We’d better get going,’ Karen said as she pulled at Evelyn’s hand gently. They caught up with the other two as they entered the cafe.

‘You shouldn’t get so involved,’ Marion said to Karen as they sat at one of the small tables. She had placed the two ladies on the next table. Florrie was delicately picking at a cream cake, licking her fingers after each mouthful. Evelyn was sipping her tea, staring in front of her.

‘Look at her,’ Marion went on. ‘You’ve just made her worse. You don’t know what’s going on in there.’

‘Don’t talk about her like that. You shouldn’t talk about her in front of her.’

‘Why not? She doesn’t understand,’ Marion laughed.

‘I think she does,’ Karen insisted, lowering her voice. ‘Please, stop saying things like that.’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Marion said lightly. ‘You’re as bad as her if you think there’s anything going on inside her head.’

‘You don’t know.’

‘I know more than you think. I’ve been doing this job a lot longer than you and I’ve known Evelyn for a long time. That woman can be a right bitch.’

‘Stop it, please.’ Karen looked across at Evelyn who sat with her head down, shoulders slumped, her fingers picking at a stain on the table.

‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ Marion continued. ‘You’re nothing but a kid who doesn’t know what she’s doing. Look at you,’ she sneered. ‘What would you do if she kicked off in here?’

‘Why would she?’ Karen felt a flicker of doubt.

‘You never know when they’re going to turn on you,’ Marion laughed. ‘Look.’ She reached across and gave Evelyn a prod on the arm. ‘What’s going on in there?’ she asked.

Evelyn turned to her with a puzzled look in her eyes. She said nothing.

‘What’s up, Evelyn?’ Marion asked. ‘Can’t think of anything to say?’

‘Leave her alone,’ Karen pleaded. ‘Why do you have to be so nasty to her?’

‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ Marion hissed at Karen. ‘People are looking at us.’

‘I need the toilet.’ Florrie stood up.

‘Shut up, Florrie,’ said Marion. ‘Sit down.’

‘But I need the toilet. I’ll wet my knickers,’ Florrie persisted.

‘For God’s sake, Florrie, you’ll have to wait.’ Marion glared at her.

‘I’ll take you Florrie,’ Karen said. ‘Come on, there’s a loo at the back of the cafe.’ She stood up and took Florrie by the arm, ignoring the stares of the other customers, leaving a seething Marion with Evelyn.

Five minutes later they made their way back to the table. Karen noticed with a feeling of trepidation that Marion was alone, holding a handkerchief to her face.

‘Where’s Evelyn?’ Karen asked.

‘She’s done a runner,’ Marion dabbed her face. ‘I tried to stop her, but she punched me in the face and ran out the door.’

‘Why didn’t you go after her?’ Karen was appalled.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Marion said. ‘On my own? I told you she was dangerous.’

Karen glared back at her. ‘I don’t believe she is dangerous. What did you say to her?’

‘Nothing. She just smacked me for nothing.’

‘She wouldn’t have done that.’

‘You calling me a liar?’

‘No. I just don’t know what to think.’ Karen said. ‘What do we do now? I should go after her.’

‘You don’t know where she went. She could be anywhere. We’ll have to let the police know when we get back to the ward.’

‘She’ll be frightened. Can’t we go and look for her?’ Karen asked. ‘She can’t have gone far. Which way did she go?’

‘I don’t know. I wasn’t looking. She’d just thumped me in case you hadn’t noticed,’ Marion said indignantly.

‘You’re alright aren’t you?’ Karen asked.

‘No, I’m not. And I’m certainly not trailing all round Fareham with Florrie in tow!’ Marion was unrelenting. ‘I’m getting the next bus back to Highclere. You can do what you want.’

Karen picked up her bag. ‘I’ll see you back at the hospital then,’ she said.

‘I said you were too involved and I was right,’ Marion sneered. ‘You’re wasting your time, but it’s up to you I suppose.’

‘You’re right, it is up to me,’ Karen said. ‘And I’d like to know why Evelyn hit you. She’s not done something like that for a long time.’

‘I hope you’re not accusing me of winding her up.’ Marion paused, then sniffed. ‘You need to be careful what you say.’

Karen glared at her, smiled at Florrie, and quickly left the shop. She had an idea where Evelyn may have gone and turned towards the church at the bottom of Trinity Street. As she walked she heard the clock striking eleven. She stood for a moment at the corner, remembering her previous visit to Mrs. Chapman and wondered how Evelyn would cope with seeing her mother again after such a long time.

Marion’s words were burning in Karen’s mind - ‘You never know when they’re going to turn on you, and you never know what’s going on inside her head.’ Karen supposed that there was some truth in those words but couldn’t believe that Evelyn would hurt anyone without a good reason. On the other hand, Evelyn may feel she had a good reason to hurt her mother after being left in Highclere for twenty years and more.

Karen ran up the street, her heart thumping.