Chapter 36 Caught in the Web

       We're going off on a week's holiday tomorrow on a narrow boat.  Hoping that the weather will hold out, get better, stay warm or whatever.  In the meantime, here is chapter 36 of Caught in the Web.

Chapter Thirty-six

Karen walked about for some time trying to make sense of this mess she’d found herself in. Later she vaguely remembered riding on the bus and wandering in Fareham. The shops were all closed - the streets quiet. When she eventually stopped outside the familiar terraced house near the church she wondered how she’d got there. The ache in her womb made her finally stop for breath. She stood with one hand on the gate-latch as the church clock struck. She could see the clock from where she stood - a quarter to nine. The evening was still warm as shadows were moving into the grey of dusk. She knew she had to turn back and face whatever the future held.

Before she could move away, the small window of the cottage filled with light, causing Karen to hesitate. Grace was reaching up to draw the curtains. Their eyes met. Karen felt ridiculous and wanted to run away, but the front door was already opening, casting a welcoming beam in the evening light.

‘Is that you, Karen?’ Grace called to her.

‘I was just passing,’ Karen stuttered.

‘Are you alright?’ Grace asked as she came down the steps towards Karen.

‘Yes, I’m fine.’ Karen laughed nervously.

‘Won’t you come in for a while?’ Grace stopped at the bottom of the steps.

‘No. No. Sorry.’ Karen hesitated.

‘I could do with some company,’ said Grace. She paused. ‘Could I just talk to you for a while about this morning?’

‘I can’t stop long.’

‘Come in then - the kettle’s just boiled.’ Grace held open the front door and Karen entered the front room. ‘Do sit down. I’ll only be a moment.’

Karen sat obediently. The older woman bustled into the kitchen as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror above the fireplace. Her face was red and swollen where Peter had hit her - her eyes were deep pools of pain. She wiped her hand across her mouth and tried to calm her breathing.

Grace was back in the room - full of the sympathy Karen didn’t want. The last thing she wanted was to lose her self-control. She swallowed down the feelings and felt them stick in her throat.

‘You wanted to talk about Evelyn?’ she asked.

‘We can talk about you first,’ Grace said, as she poured the tea. ‘If you want to, that is.’

‘No. I’m fine.’ Karen took the cup from Grace.

‘Well, if you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look fine.’

Karen hesitated.

‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’ Grace asked.

That was enough to allow the tears free rein again. ‘How did you know that?’

‘Just a lucky guess,’ Grace smiled. ‘Now, do you want to tell me all about it?’

Karen said nothing. She sipped at her tea.

‘I might be able to help,’ Grace reached out and touched Karen’s hand. ‘You never know.’

Karen tried to calm her emotions. ‘I really shouldn’t be here. This is wrong, talking to you like this.’ She paused again. ‘But I don’t suppose I can do any more harm than I’ve already done. You’re right, I am pregnant. But it’s not my husband’s baby.’

‘Oh dear,’ Grace said quietly.

‘It was just a mistake,’ Karen put her tea-cup on the table. ‘I don’t know how I got into such a situation. There’s no excuse, I know.’

‘But...’

‘Things weren’t good at home. I’d started working at the hospital, and my husband didn’t approve,’ Karen explained. ‘Sometimes the work is hard and you need to be able to talk about it at the end of the day. John was just there at the right time I suppose. He seemed to understand.’ She laughed. ‘But I was deluding myself with him. It was only a fling for him. When I told him I was pregnant he didn’t want to know. He even suggested I pretend it’s my husband’s.’

‘And that’s out of the question?’ Grace asked.

‘Of course!’ Karen was shocked. ‘And anyway, I’ve already told Peter it’s not his.’

‘I didn’t mean to shock you,’ Grace said. ‘But it happens. All the time.’

‘I expect it does,’ said Karen. ‘I don’t mean to be rude, but I just don’t think I could have lived with that lie for the rest of my life. Peter wants children so much and the thought of him bringing up someone else’s child without knowing, well, I just couldn’t do that to him.’

‘So what will you do?’ Grace asked.

‘I don’t know - I want to have this baby, that’s all I know.’ Suddenly Karen felt exhausted. ‘I must get back home.’ She stood up. She faced Grace and smiled wearily. ‘Thank you for listening, and for the tea.’

‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ Grace looked worried.

‘I feel much better,’ Karen assured her. ‘I must get home.’ She was at the door, fumbling with the latch. She turned. ‘I’m so sorry to burden you with this,’ she said, pulling open the door and was outside before Grace could delay her any further.

She was standing at the bus stop before she remembered that Grace had wanted to talk to her about Evelyn.

Karen was numb by the time she reached home.

Peter was waiting. She felt no fear as she turned the key in the door and parted the ominous curtain of silence hanging heavily in the hallway.

He stood up as she entered the sitting room, his face a page which Karen could no longer read.

‘Where have you been?’ There was no anger in his voice.

‘I just walked about.’ She made her way to the sofa and sat down with a sigh.

‘You’d better get to bed,’ Peter ordered.

‘In a minute.’

‘Now.’ He paused. ‘Please.’

Karen stood up and went upstairs. She had no energy to argue with him any more. As she lay in bed, she tried to sleep. But the numbness was melting into anxiety once more. She lay awake, waiting.

It was much later when Peter joined her in the bed. She lay still, pretending to breathe in the shallow breath of sleep.

‘I know you’re awake,’ he said.

Karen said nothing.

‘You can’t fool me,’ he went on. ‘Anyway, you won’t get away with this behaviour any more. From tomorrow things will be different.’

Fear shot through Karen. She pushed it away again and lay still, trying to calm her mind until she heard the soft sound of his sleeping lips. Finally she was able to relax, but it was before dawn that she too, slept.

Caught in the Web Chapter 35. What will Karen do now?

Now what will Karen do?

Chapter Thirty-five

The moments passed slowly. Karen was afraid to move, wondering whether he was coming back for more. Eventually pulling herself up, she leaned against the wall, waiting for her heart to calm to a steady rate. The blood still pulsed through her ears like a bass drum, her face stung where his hand had made impact. The back of her head hurt. She reached and touched where it had hit the wall and winced as she felt the lump growing there. But it was the pain inside that was worse and the fear of what would happen next.

Not wanting to think about it any more, Karen went to the bathroom, splashed her face with cold water and left the house, snatching up her bag on the way.

It was probably habit that made her go to Margaret. She was the nearest to a mother that Karen had. She kept her head down as she walked, avoiding eye contact with the people she passed on the way. By the time she reached the front door, she was shaking, wondering why she’d come. Margaret opened the door before she could find her key. Karen flew into her arms, sobbing into her shoulder. She felt Margaret’s warm arms wrap around her.

‘Whatever’s the matter?’ She drew the young woman into the house and ushered her into the sitting room. They sat together, Margaret holding Karen close to her. The gentle touch of Margaret stroking her hair opened the door to all the emotions Karen had been holding in for so long. She sobbed until her nose was streaming and her eyes were swollen and sore, an uncontrollable gulping noise coming from her throat. Margaret held her until the sobbing subsided. Finally, Karen found the courage to speak.

‘I’m pregnant,’ she said. ‘Please don’t be angry with me, Margaret.’

‘Why would I be angry?’ Margaret was smiling as she handed Karen a box of tissues. ‘That’s good news, isn’t it?  I know you didn’t want a family just yet, but surely it’s not that bad.’

‘You don’t understand.’ Karen blew her nose. ‘It’s not Peter’s baby,’ she blurted before she could stop herself. ‘I’ve done a terrible thing and now I’m pregnant. It’s the last thing I wanted. I’m sorry.’ She braced herself, expecting Margaret to push her away, be shocked or angry. Instead, she just held her closer and stroked her hair again.

‘I’m sorry,’ Karen repeated. ‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘Does Peter know?’ Margaret said at last.

‘I told him today,’ replied Karen. ‘He took it pretty badly. He wants me to get rid of it.’

Margaret said nothing for a moment. Then she sighed. ‘Well, I suppose you can’t blame him. What are you going to do?

‘I can’t kill my baby.’ Karen was crying again, unable to stop the flow. ‘I just can’t.’

Margaret let go of Karen and leaned back. There was a long pause before she spoke again.

‘How far gone are you?’ she asked eventually.

‘About nine weeks - the baby’s due in March.’ Karen watched the sunlight flooding through the window onto the carpet by her feet.

‘Look Karen,’ Margaret said. ‘I know this will be very difficult for you, but it’s hardly a baby yet. If you keep it, think about how life would be for you.’

Karen looked at her. ‘I couldn’t even think about getting rid of it.’ She was horrified at what Margaret was suggesting.

Margaret seemed to struggle to find the words. ‘It would be the end of your marriage if you don’t,’ she said at last. ‘You know that, don’t you? Peter would never be able to cope with someone else’s child.’

‘I know,’ Karen said miserably.

‘And if you decide to keep it - you’d be on your own.’

‘Then I’d have to get on with it - on my own.’

‘How would you manage on your own with a baby?’ Margaret asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Karen wailed. ‘But if it’s the only alternative, I’ll do it - somehow.’ Her eyes were filling again. She wiped them furiously.

Margaret stood up and walked to the door.

‘Well, I can tell you from my own experience, it’s hard.’ She went into the kitchen and Karen could hear her moving about, wiping the dishes she’d recently washed, filling the kettle.

Karen got up and went to stand in the doorway.

‘He hit me today,’ she said.

Margaret stopped what she was doing and froze. She turned to Karen, a mixture of pain and a hint of disbelief in her eyes.

‘Well, I’m sorry Karen,’ she said. ‘Forgive me if I don’t have too much sympathy with you. After all, you have slept with someone else and got pregnant. What did you expect?’

Karen stared at Margaret, shocked at the sudden change of allegiance. ‘I thought you’d understand. And whatever I’ve done, there’s never a reason to hit me like that. No-one has the right to do that.’

‘Are you sure that he did hit you?’ Margaret asked. ‘After all, it’s not the first time you’ve been hurt, is it?’

‘What are you talking about?’ Karen asked.

‘When you had that black eye and said a patient had done it,’ Margaret explained. ‘Peter told me about that.’

‘That was at work.’ Karen was puzzled. ‘What has that got to do with this?’

‘Are you sure you’re not hurting yourself?’ Margaret was leaning against the sink with her back to Karen as she spoke.

Karen didn’t answer. She turned and fled the house.

*

Margaret heard the door slam while she was still waiting for Karen to speak. She ran to the door, looked out and saw Karen’s back disappearing down the street. Feelings of remorse flooded through her as she turned back into the house. She caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror and wondered who this woman looking back at her was and where the young girl she’d once been had gone, the echo of Karen’s footsteps running away, pounding in her memories.